Sunday, June 5, 2011

Growth

These past couple of days, I haven't posted anything.
*That blog silence is dedicated to you, Chloe Mehr.*
(She may have mentioned to me that I posted everyday. So I stopped for a while.)


Since school is over, I pulled out my journal and started reading from Day One of Junior Year.
I have every single day written down and documented.


Here is an excerpt from one of the first entries I read:
"I don't want to turn 16. Surprise! I really don't want to. Because... I will feel like a total loser. I'm not the kind of girl who guys love. I'm not someone who will get asked on dates. I'll be 16, and I will have no excuse for not going on dates. None. I'm so afraid I won't go to Homecoming. So afraid. Do you want to hear something sad? Of course not. Okay, I believe in love. I honestly do. I just... I don't believe that there is  someone out there for me. You know how hopeless that makes me feel? I am such a flawed person. I'm insecure and I mess everything up... I'll never find someone who will love me the way I am. And that's the saddest thing to me. More than anything, I've just wanted my own Prince Charming."


....That journal entry made me so sad.
Did I really think that about myself?
This is why I recommend keeping a journal. I always see how much I've grown and what I still need to work on.
I cannot believe that I thought so little of myself!
Please, learn to love yourself.
You don't need a boy to do that.
And you know what? Boys can tell if a girl loves herself. She doesn't need to strut around with as much self confidence as say, Spencer Vernon, but she does need to believe she is worth something. Everyone is. (And I can say that about Spencer because we are friends.) :)


TANABATS.
(I write that on my hand everyday.)
Things Are Never As Bad As They Seem
My own life philosophy.


"Graduation happened and I didn't cry. I forgot: I never cry at goodbyes. I stood on the floor of the Marriott Center, hugging all of my SBOs. He came through everyone to find me. We hugged for a long time. And then, in the middle of everyone, he kissed me."
"The next day, I went over to his house. He was cleaning out his room, so I saw it for the first time. Right next to his bed, on his windowsill, there is a picture of me."


Just know that there is someone out there who really will think the world of you. You may not know them yet, but they are out there, just waiting to find you.




2 comments:

  1. Aw,

    the part about having a picture of you was so cute. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for dedicating some silence to me. :) And this post was a lovely re-entry into the blogger world. :)

    ReplyDelete