Friday, June 29, 2012

I've Forgotten the Point of Blogs.

Work is boring. Campus is dead.To pass the time, I started clicking through randomly selected blogs.

And... there is no point to blogging.
Everyone sees the world through their own eyes and we all collectively seem to forget that the world is too big to see through two pupils.
We try to compartmentalize, categorize, un-realize. Our worlds are all so small and unconnected. Everyone has their own tiny universe.

In this day and age, we call it a blog.

I've forgotten the point of blogging. All I see are the numbers, the drafts, the obligations.

I'd rather eat really good Indian food than blog. I think I'll do that.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

The Underdog

I don't think I'll ever understand why people love the obvious bet, the best team statistically, the well-known beasts.

Why there are Yankees fans in the world, I'll never know.

I root for the underdog almost 100% of the time.

Because nothing feels better than the little victories.

If you like the Underdog, then you are used to the losses and relish every single victory.

I knew this had always been my philosophy when it came to sports, but only lately did I realize that it's my philosophy when it comes to basically everything.

Boys? I choose The Underdog.
Reality TV shows? I choose The Underdog.
Music? I choose The Underdog. Or, you know, Indie bands. None of this Top 40.
Movie characters? I choose The Underdog.
           (........this usually leads me to rooting for the villain at the end of a movie. I cried for Syndrome in The Incredibles.)

Favorite Super Hero? Underdog. (Just kidding. Not really.)
Captain America. Not because of his looks, but because even when he was the little guy he never backed down from doing what was right. 

So it makes sense that I like to be the Underdog. I like to fight for things that seem out of my reach. I like to be the weaker school in a rivalry, the least experienced dancer in a dance class, the girl with the smallest mouth to stuff a doughnut into.

You don't think I can do it? Watch me.

what defies us


keep it up

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Rush

Lately I've been rushing.

Rushing to work.
Rushing home in the poorly-named rush hour.
Rushing to ballet.

My radio is always turned up loud, my windows always open.
Basically I feel like I'm the coolest person in the world.

Today I drove home from ballet and actually turned off my radio.
The wind roared through my window.
In a spur of the moment impulse, I pulled over on the side of the road and simply sat.

I stopped to look at the sunset.
If I looked right at it, the sky seemed almost colorless. A blank slate.
However, if I looked at the horizon, the sky above seemed like a pale purple.

I had stopped for the sunset, but I found much more.
I happened to be right in front of a barn I had passed thousands of times.
A Spanish old-fashioned song crooned from a radio inside of it.
A single lantern hung from the low ceiling.

It was a perfect moment.

We're all just rushing. Going going going like our lives depend on it.
And we're missing life in the process.

When I started driving again, I kept my radio off.
I listened to sprinklers and the birds.

And I saw life.
It was a pale purple.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Battle of the Bands

There are few things I like on this earth more than concerts.
My friends David and Micheal are in a band, and asked me to come support them in their first ever concert.
They were fantastic, especially the song about a Dear John. Quality.

Let's be honest, the majority of the night was spent at an alcohol-free drink bar and searching the gutters (literally) with David for a (not) love note.

Concerts do three things for me:
1) Provide an opportunity for me to contemplate why I will never put gauges in my ears... ever.

2) Let me remember that everyone has felt the way I feel. They've been  there. I'm not the rare exception to any rule.

3) Remind me to live life. To fill my days with things other than Australian television shows. (But I'm starting a job tomorrow! Yes!)

I'm very lucky to know the Bradfords, and I'm contemplating asking Micheal to serenade me every day. He's really that good.

 We know how to party in Utah County. Cotton Candy Shirley Temples.

It's a Peachy-O martini!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Red and Blue Lights

The road next to my house is undergoing intense construction (like every other road in this state).
Because of this, it is a speed trap and cops thrive there.
From my kitchen window, I see multiple people get pulled over every day.

Every time I see those red and blue lights come on, it takes me back to the end of November.

We were sitting in his car in a parking lot.
Do you know what the-best-thing-falling-apart tastes like?
Like peppermint shakes, if you were wondering.

He wouldn't let go of my hand. He kissed my cheek fiercely. He put his head in my lap. He played with my hair. He looked at my eyes. He wouldn't let go of my hand.

He said he loved me so deeply, but we couldn't be in a relationship.
And we couldn't. He was right.

I cannot tell you how much I wish I could have changed my actions on that night.
I cannot tell you how I want to take every moment in the last two weeks of November and then first two of December and make them stop existing.

But I can't. They happened and I did them and that's that.

So I sat in this car and it was freezing and he wouldn't let go of my hand no matter how hard I pulled. I looked out the window. An ambulance drove by. As I looked at the red and blue lights, I realized: This is a moment.

For a second, I could see the big picture.

People were going to the hospital.
Someone was blowing out birthday candles.
A baby took its first steps.
Someone just died.
A plane took off.
Two people had their first kiss.
A boy and a girl sat in a parking lot, sort-of ending a relationship.

Life was happening all at once.
It was just a moment. Just a moment in this huge play we're all in.

How silly of me to have thought I was the center of all of this. It's not about me. I'm one tiny piece in an infinitely huge machine.

So every day when I see someone get pulled over, I remind myself: This is a moment.

Someone got a ticket.
Someone rode a roller coaster.
A parent hugged their child.
The word was just preached.

This is a moment and it isn't November and I'm not pulling my hand away.
This is a moment at it is June and life is moving and taking me right along with it.

Thank goodness for those red and blue lights to remind me of that.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Endless Sun

I have a love affair with the first week of summer.
Just the first week.

The first week is unblemished. Perfect.

I begin my routine of staying up 'til one in the morning, I enjoy sun-filled afternoons, I walk through the hot tar on the roads, and I work on my summer goals.

This week has not let me down.

Zip lines were set up.
Mountain lion tracks were spotted.
Pointe shoes were worn.
(Many) Starbursts were roasted.
Snowcones were eaten.
Baseball t-shirts were received.
BYU boys were all proven to be ceaseless flirts.
Memories were placed lovingly in a box.

When I drive in my Beetle and stretch my hands up and out of my sunroof, I'm infected with the classic teenage epidemic: I become indestructible, breathtaking, infinite.

For one week, the sun seems endless, and so do I.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Mah Boys

I firmly believe people come into your life for a reason. Some are meant to be brief summers, but some stay every season. I've got my boys that I love so dearly, and as they spread across the world I will miss them so much. Also, they are all very attractive. I don't know how that happened.

I wrote a huge blog post explaining my friendship with them all, but I don't like big, chunky blog posts, so I deleted it all. I just love them and they love me and some tease me and some give great hugs and some break hearts. But none of that changes the fact that I love them.

Daniel- In Russia RIGHT NOW. Kyle- In Iowa RIGHT NOW.

 Silas and Jakob.  Missionaries soon. Okay, like in a year.

 Cameron and Brad. Too young for missions. :)

 Aaron- Leaving for Guam next week!

Coray- Sent in his mission papers yesterday. Reese- Going to Brazil in November!

 Jake- Going to New York in July!

Dear Russia, Iowa, Guam, Brazil, New York, and everywhere everyone else is going.... you're the luckiest places in the world.