Monday, June 11, 2012

Red and Blue Lights

The road next to my house is undergoing intense construction (like every other road in this state).
Because of this, it is a speed trap and cops thrive there.
From my kitchen window, I see multiple people get pulled over every day.

Every time I see those red and blue lights come on, it takes me back to the end of November.

We were sitting in his car in a parking lot.
Do you know what the-best-thing-falling-apart tastes like?
Like peppermint shakes, if you were wondering.

He wouldn't let go of my hand. He kissed my cheek fiercely. He put his head in my lap. He played with my hair. He looked at my eyes. He wouldn't let go of my hand.

He said he loved me so deeply, but we couldn't be in a relationship.
And we couldn't. He was right.

I cannot tell you how much I wish I could have changed my actions on that night.
I cannot tell you how I want to take every moment in the last two weeks of November and then first two of December and make them stop existing.

But I can't. They happened and I did them and that's that.

So I sat in this car and it was freezing and he wouldn't let go of my hand no matter how hard I pulled. I looked out the window. An ambulance drove by. As I looked at the red and blue lights, I realized: This is a moment.

For a second, I could see the big picture.

People were going to the hospital.
Someone was blowing out birthday candles.
A baby took its first steps.
Someone just died.
A plane took off.
Two people had their first kiss.
A boy and a girl sat in a parking lot, sort-of ending a relationship.

Life was happening all at once.
It was just a moment. Just a moment in this huge play we're all in.

How silly of me to have thought I was the center of all of this. It's not about me. I'm one tiny piece in an infinitely huge machine.

So every day when I see someone get pulled over, I remind myself: This is a moment.

Someone got a ticket.
Someone rode a roller coaster.
A parent hugged their child.
The word was just preached.

This is a moment and it isn't November and I'm not pulling my hand away.
This is a moment at it is June and life is moving and taking me right along with it.

Thank goodness for those red and blue lights to remind me of that.

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