I cannot begin to explain how I felt and how I feel.
I cannot tell you how my heart aches for those victims.
I cannot put a number on how much time I've spent thinking and reading about it.
I cannot tell you
that plays through my mind daily.
And I knew no one in that movie theater. I can only imagine the pain of family and friends.
The media is already moving on. Tragedy only sells papers for so long. "Let's get back to the celebrities, the election, the humor."
I know that it's hard to pin down reasons. I know investigations take time. I know that killer might never be fully convicted for what he did.
Maybe he did have mental issues. I bet he did. But that does not take away from the disgusting fact that we glorify violence.
Did you know that Warner Bros. had a trailer before The Dark Knight Rises where the characters are shooting into a crowded movie theater? Did you know that they took the commercial out of the previews because now it's too disturbing? Why weren't we hurt by it before?
Why did it take a tragedy to wake us up, and how long until we fall back asleep?
I cannot see The Dark Knight Rises any time soon. Not because I'm scared for my life, oh please. Policemen in movie theaters won't make me feel better (they'll be gone soon, anyway).
I can't see it because I would see screaming people behind my eyelids. I'd see girls pushing the dead bodies of their boyfriends off of them. I'd see a calm man with one hundred magazines shooting and shooting and shooting.
Terror just became all too real for me and I can't watch it glorified on a screen, no matter how "fantastic" the movie is. No.
But I want to thank the heroes.
I want to thank the people that tried to drag other victims out of the theater, even when their own life was in danger.
I want to thank the movie star who visited the hospitals.
I want to thank the community that is staying strong.
You don't need to go to superhero movies for you've become your own heroes.
I don't really know where I'm going from here, but I do know that this changed me. The ground underneath me seems to have shifted.
Aurora, Colorado... I will always remember you.