Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Dying

So this weird thing has been happening.
I kneel down to pray at night, and in the middle of my prayer I just get this tiny thought in the back of my head that goes like this: "You're going to die, and that's fine."

I know that sounds SO creepy. But it's not. And it's not morbid or depressing or anything like that. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm going to die any time soon. But this thought comes to me pretty much every night.

I think it comes so that I actually appreciate my life. Since I've been thinking about dying, I've been thinking about actually living.

I enjoy the color of bright red boots. I marvel when I gaze at tree canopies. I pick up green acorns and carry them with me around campus. I listen to my favorite songs on repeat. I do really bold things. I say the things I want to say. I attempt to be more grateful. I step on every crunchy leaf I see.

There is this line in the play Our Town that goes like this: "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?"

That's what I'm trying to do.

I'm trying to realize life while I live it.

Every minute.




2 comments:

  1. Me too.
    I thought I was the only person in the world that got that and I've only ever told one person.
    I always get the thought not that I'm going to die soon but that I'm going to die young.

    It's doesn't depress me or alter my life at all, it's just a thought at the end of the day.

    how crazy.
    I seriously never thought anyone got that, or that anyone would ever admit it.

    thanks so much for sharing.

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