Monday, November 5, 2012

The 29 Second Fireworks Show Inside of Me (Or, A Post I'm Proud Of)

5' 4 1/2", dark-dark brown hair, hazel eyes, 116 lbs, female, size 8 shoe.

For someone who takes up so little space in this universe, I sure do feel a lot. No more than the average person, but still a lot. Sometimes I wonder how so many emotions can fit inside of me, and then I wonder how anyone could question the actuality of God. How could you be created without Him? Go ahead and try to explain it away with evolution, but I am no accident.

And all my emotions, they seem to take up more space than I physically do. They seem to be too much for one person, but if I only had emotions exactly proportional to my size, I think I'd be less of a person than any person should ever be. Funny how that works.

In my skin pores I keep the Stress of school assignments and making sure I do all I can.

My knees keep the Silliness of creeping around campus late at night, running around on a secret mission with the likes of Agent Red Eagle and Colonel Sanders.

The Yearning for a good book is engrained to my brain. It's always been there and isn't going anywhere soon.

My tear ducts are filled with all Missing from the goodbyes to all of my boys, and I think Perspective has built up a wall blocking the waterways, because I've only cried at one Farewell. But the dry tear ducts hold the goodbyes, anyway.

My Insecurity is braided into my hair and I tried to untangle it every day. I'll get all these knots out, eventually.

The space right behind my stomach holds the Apprehension, the inevitable feeling that the Good Thing I'm planning is going to fall through.

The late night Happiness stays right in my throat, ready to come out with the laughter that accompanies arms-behind-you running, 2 a.m. screaming, and the jokes we tell right as we fall asleep.

And my heart, well, it's a human heart, so what can you expect? My heart holds more emotions than the rest of my body put together. It holds the Melancholy, the Sunshine, the Empathy, the Devotion, the Love.

The Indefinable "They" always say that emotions are like a roller coaster, but I think emotions are more like that fireworks show when all the fireworks went off at one time. You expect to see something understandable and orderly and predictable (at least ups where there are supposed to be ups and downs when there are supposed to be downs), but instead all you see is 29 seconds of everything all at once.

It's confusing and overwhelming and incomprehensible, but probably the best fireworks show you've ever seen.

map of love
I cannot get enough.


  1. Sweet. I loved reading your blog. Just the other day I read something you wrote just for me and it made me smile just this much.

  2. love your blog :)

  3. love the idea of this post! fascinating how different emotions are hidden within different body parts...