Monday, September 9, 2013

For When You're Doubting

This post is for the moment when the thing you love the most becomes an "if" instead of a "definitely."
This post is for the moment when you spot an "out" and you halfway want to take it.
This post is for the moment when you feel darkness close in to snatch you and you think it might be easier if you just let it.

This is me, Kimberly, telling you that you are stronger than your doubt.
This is me, Kimberly, telling you that I have been there.
This is me, Kimberly, telling you--no, begging you--to push through this.

Perhaps this thing you're facing, this dragon, is doubt about what you've always believed to be true.
Perhaps this dragon is your friends, your family, this often-gloomy world, the changes you're going through right now.
Perhaps this dragon is actually you and a darkness that seems to be drowning you from the inside.

This is me, Kimberly, telling you from personal experience that you are going to beat this dragon.
You're not only going to bruise it, oh no, you're going to crush it.

You know how I know? Because your Heavenly Father is my Heavenly Father. One and the same. Constant. He loves to be predictable. He loves to bless His children.

Maybe you're saying "I know that Heavenly Father is all-powerful, Kimberly, but I'm not. I know that this dragon won't just go away. I know I have to kill it myself. But I don't have the strength or tools to do that."

Okay, look at your computer screen. Not these words, the actual physical screen itself. See that little black-ish smudge of something that has crusted onto the screen? The small one you don't notice until it is right in the middle of someone's face when you are trying to watch Netflix? Yeah, that speck is about the size of a mustard seed (you know where I'm going with this). If that is the size of all the strength, faith, and talent you have to give him... God can work with that.

Your dragon might be huge. Massive. Titanic. Give God a mustard seed of faith and you'll win. I promise.

This is the image that keeps coming to my mind:

"Our Champion has left the arena. Sweaty, beaten up, and torn down, the Champion hunches in her cold, foldable chair. It's completely dark around her. She's so worn out that she didn't even bother to turn on the light when she walked into the room. Sadly, she wipes her sticky hair from her forehead and grasps the towel hanging around her neck. She sighs.

"In this moment, she could walk away. Maybe she could write a different story for herself. She's been focusing on this one thing she's wanted for so long that maybe she missed a nicer path, a comfortable choice, a new opportunity. Who says she's even fighting the right fight, anyway? Maybe she's been wrong this whole time.

"From deep inside of her, the Champion feels the slightest movement of her sliver of hope. Fainter than a dying Tinker Bell and weaker than a drained Hercules, it's there. And the Champion remembers. Once, this light was her everything. Something that is killing this hope which is so precious to her is not a feeling she wants to follow.

"So our Champion stands up. She throws her towel to the ground. Not as a sign of failure, but as a challenge to her dragon. She marches back into the arena with her shoulders thrown back and confidence in her step."

Lest you think that the Champion has all of her faith miraculously restored, I will let you know that she doesn't. She's working with her tiny sliver. And with that sliver she is going to kill her dragon.

So don't. you. dare. stop. fighting. You are a Champion. You were not built to fail. You were built to thrive. Do whatever you need to do. Call in your allies! Read an instruction manual! Pray as loud and as long as you need to!

You'll be hit by your dragon again, but pain does not mean loss. Pain means growth. This experience is making you so much stronger than you were.

You are a Champion. Champions, in the end, conquer. Do not ever let your doubt tell you differently.


“It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but... there was all the difference in the world.”

"Fear not, I am with thee! Oh be not dismayed.
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."